A Circle's Round. It Has No End. That's How Long I Want to be Your...Friend.

So this ex-Girl Scout was cleaning out her room yesterday and stumbled upon this really pretty ring, silver with purple cubic zirconia.

Despite its beauty, though, I’ve never worn it. Why? Seeing it makes me uncomfortable because I got it as a birthday present several years ago from a male friend for whom I had no romantic interest. It was unexpected and weird. A ring is NOT a casual thing to give.

I mentioned in an earlier post that it’s okay for guy friends to give their female friends simple jewelry, such as earrings. On the occasion when the two friends are also hook up partners, and he finds himself in a situation for which it is expected he give her a small something (birthday/graduation/holiday) but he doesn’t want to make it a big deal, earrings can be a good fall back.

Clothing is too difficult, because it always implies something. If he buys a shirt that’s too small, she’ll feel like he wants her to lose weight to fit into it. If he buys too big, she’ll feel he thinks she’s fat. If he buys something skimpy, she’ll feel objectified.

Basically, clothing is out.

Food is also out. Women like things that last; we’re sentimental beings. So while food may be the fastest way to a man’s heart, women are not so easily won over.

Gift cards are iffy. It depends on the occasion, and whether they’re redeemable at places like Wal Mart. 

And you already know my stance on flowers. If not, learn to read.

So…earrings. They don’t have to be expensive. But they look nice, they show he put some thought into the gift, and they’re not ostentatious. They’re more often than not covered by her hair, unlike a bracelet or a necklace or—God forbid—a ring.

What makes rings so elevated? They symbolize commitment, which is incompatible with the hook up script. Hence why rings belong only in the relationship circle, which, if you remember, looks like this:

Amnesia got you down? Click me.

I’m not just referring to wedding rings. I’ve actually worn two very special non-wedding rings every day for the past two years. On my right middle finger is my promise ring, and on my right ring finger is my mom’s, which was replaced by a wedding ring from my dad. 

My point? The reason it’s okay to get a SIGNIFICANT OTHER (but NEVER a hook up partner!) a ring is because by that point you care enough about the person (hopefully) to recognize they’ll be in your life long-term. With hook ups, the situation changes by the week.

I’m not sure why a ring around your finger is so much more meaningful than one through your ear or around your wrist, but it just is. Here’s what I gathered:

1. Rings are circular, and circles have no beginning or end (i.e.: they’re forever).
2. Ideally, couples stay together for forever (or, you know, till death gets in the way).
3. Rings are typically encrusted with diamonds (indestructible rocks=indestructible love!).
4. Diamonds are precious (like your lover).
5. The vein in your third finger on your left hand runs directly to your heart (which is why I personally think this finger ought to be reserved strictly for wedding bands—you’ve got nine other options for great-great-grandma’s keepsake ring).

Next question: if you have the option to be one of the privileged fancy circle-wearers, why would you choose not to wear your ring?

Again, some interesting findings.

1. Allergies (to gold, silver, platinum…you know, ring materials).
2.  People like to keep their options open.
3.  Rings are so-called “anti-cheating devices,” signals to let others know the wearer is taken—and this makes people uncomfortable.
4. If a woman meets two attractive men for the first time, but one wears a ring and the other does not, she will pursue the man with the ring.
5. The ringed man is obviously desirable if another woman has already chosen him.
6. The man without the ring may be a “discard.”
7. Married adults who do not wear rings are twice as likely to lose their kids in a grocery store than those who do wear rings.

Clearly, rings have magical powers. They discourage infidelity (2-3). They’re status symbols (4-6). They make you responsible/committed to your family (7).

Do with this information what you will. I thought it was universally understood that rings are special and not a “friendly” (much less “hook up-y”) gift, but apparently not. Hopefully this post enlightened someone.