Facebook friends. The majority of them are not “real”
friends, but people with whom we’ve spent a very limited amount of time in a
very specific context, or people with whom we haven’t spoken in years, or
people we don’t even know and the only reason they made it onto our friends
list is because they have lots of mutual friends. And, sadly, sometimes members
of that last group aren’t real people at all.
My point? Being friends on Facebook is not that big
of a deal, so it’s kind of a big deal when someone unfriends you. Like, “_______
is friends with that rando we once sat next to in 12th grade English
yet he unfriends ME?”
How about when the unfriender is someone you dated seriously?
And he doesn’t unfriend your sister? And his sister, his brother, his mother,
his grandmother, and his cousin don’t unfriend you? And the length of your
break up almost exceeds the length of your relationship?
And the unfriender untags himself from every last
photo you ever took as a couple, but not the ones you took as friends? Or the ones of
himself and your sister? Or the ones taken by you of himself with your friends? Such discriminate destruction.
Why now of all times? What’s it matter anymore? The
wound isn’t fresh. We’ve both been seeing other people for over a year. You
never posted more than maybe twice/year anyway, so did you make a special
effort to log on, click “untag” some 300 times, go to my profile, and…delete?
If you really didn’t want me in your newsfeed, either unfollow me or remember
to delete my sister, too, and ask your family members to do the same.
It could have happened months ago for all I know,
but I didn’t discover it until Christmas Day.
So I’m confused. Why are you trying to erase the
past? You can’t undo what happened.
You broke your promise.
Yet I don’t regret the time I spent with you because
you made me a better person.
I’ve always thought of opposing emotions as two
sides of the same coin. As fate would have it, you showed me happiness for the
first time. I thought it was the shiny side, but until we failed and that coin
flipped to its dark, rusted side, I had no idea. I was plunged into a darkness
so complete, a sadness so deep, it took me years to flip over. And it required
a lot more strength than I started with. (A reformation process we will not get
into here.)
But…thank you. I am extremely happy with the love I’ve
got now because I have a full understanding of the whole coin. I didn’t when I was
with you, and I’m sorry.
During that coin flip, you taught me a few things.
You taught me to appreciate the light, and to never
take him for granted. And so I will never stop trying. I’ll never stop
holding his hand, and I’ll never get used to him. Because relationships only
thrive if you continuously pour effort into them.
You taught me how much it hurts to lose. And so I
never want to lose him.
You taught me how to communicate, and how to settle disagreements
effectively. You taught me of the importance of very clear, “I feel X when you do
Y because Z” statements, because we never used them. Any psych majors reading
this?
Unbeknownst to you, you taught me the pain of
cheating.
You showed me all of my mistakes, and gave me
infinite motivation to never make them again. The memory of loss continues
to make me want to be the best version of myself in my new relationship. He
deserves nothing less.
So, goodbye, my Facebook friend. You’re just
somebody that I used to know. Less than that rando in English class.
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